Category Archives: Biblical Truth

Full Exposure Marriage

Recently we were asked if it is wrong for a spouse to want to know their spouse’s social media passwords and phone’s passcode. Honestly, we hear this type of question quite often. When we were dating, we carried pagers with us because indiviual cellular phones were not in use yet. For those who may not know, back in the old times (1995’ish) we would carry a little black box on our hips, called a pager, and when someone needed us, they would call our little black box and type in a number where they could be reached. Today, couples can instant message each other and connect with people through multiple apps on multiple devices that often encourage individual privacy. But God’s instructions for marriage within the Bible mention none of this and do not change with technological advances. The instructions from God are still correct and applicable to marriages today.

The Lord says that two are to become one flesh in marriage.  Achieving this oneness takes time & intentionality. You are becoming one flesh. One way to achieve this is to be open & safe with one another. You must trust in one another and fight to keep your marriage strong and safe.

My husband and I share all of our passwords.  We also have shared bank accounts. Our face can open either one of our phones & we know the passcode too. There isn’t anything that we restrict access to. We use joint names on our social media accounts. When either of us text a friend of the opposite sex, we usually make it a group text with our spouse included. (There are obvious exceptions to this). This level of openness says to your spouse “I trust you and you can trust me, too” and it lets others outside of the marriage know that we have a marital bond we intend to keep.

Did you know that the enemy of our soul hates marriage because it was designed by God? God wants us to be one flesh with our spouse & the enemy wants just the opposite. He wants us to lie & cheat & withhold from our spouse because the enemy is only interested in the death of your marriage!

Remember, your marriage is a sacred covenant that you and your spouse have with God. The firm foundation that your marriage is built on is Him! Would God want either of you to be anything other than completely open, honest & trusting to one another?

Our marriage should always strive to be a beautiful display of the gospel message.

Trusting the Future of Your Marriage and Family to God

Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. – Corrie ten Boom

Sometimes in marriage and family we experience seasons that prompt us to start to wonder what our future will be like. Will we be healthy and still in love? Will the kids be okay? Our parents?

We attempt to control so many things that are simply unknown to us and it causes excessive worry & exhaustion.

But Proverbs 16:3 says to commit to the Lord in whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.

When we trust God with our future & lean on His understanding, we can rest assured that He sees what’s on the other side of what we can’t yet see or comprehend.

God designed marriage & the family. He has a perfect plan.  Release it all to Him and watch patiently as He reveals His perfect plan for your marriage & family. Hw holds your future and He is a good, good Father.

Leaving the Past in the Past

Whether you are newly married or have been married for years, at some point in your relationship you will face two things- brokenness and the need for forgiveness.   

We have all experienced personal brokenness in our lives prior to getting married. We will also experience brokenness within our marriage. Why? Because we often carry the burdens of our past hurts and mistakes with us and bring them into our marriage. Our pain and discomfort bring us to a place of familiarity and, oddly, this familiarity gets disguised as comfort to us. Yet, we continue to mess up in our brokenness. We get hurt and we become hurtful.  We react instead of responding. We want to be different, but we don’t always know how to be different. Our desire is to move beyond the things that cripple our godly thinking, but sometimes we just get stuck.

Our brokenness, whether from our past or current circumstances, can often trigger us to respond with our usual, unhealthy coping methods. For example, our instinctive response may be to blame our childhood trauma or our upbringing for our own current bad behavior toward our spouse. We claim, excuse, and justify it through a victim’s lens. We give our brokenness a permanent dwelling spot in our heart, closing our minds off to the possibility of authentic change and authentic forgiveness towards our spouse and ourselves. We choose to remain wounded and live with injustice stamped over our heart.

But there is a much better way…

2 Corinthians 10:5 says we are to destroy every proud obstacle that keeps us from knowing God. That we must capture every rebellious thought captive and submit those thoughts to obey Christ. Wow! What a powerful scripture to help us with our need for physical, emotional, and spiritual healing! And Proverbs 23:12 says to commit ourselves to instruction and to listen carefully to wisdom.

 So, when we feel wounded by something our spouse has done to hurt us or we feel like we can’t be forgiven for something we have done to hurt our spouse, we must capture those thoughts and submit them to Christ and His character. His forgiveness towards us gives us the strength to extend forgiveness to our spouse and even to ourselves. His redemptive power is what allows us to pick up our feet and take the next step forward toward positive change.

Isaiah 43:18 says, “Do not remember the past events; pay no attention of things of old.” We must work through each trying circumstance that comes our way today and let the past stay in the past. Walk in His forgiveness and extend forgiveness consistently and continually to your spouse and to yourself. Acknowledge the areas in which you are weak and identify your triggers and submit them into His mighty healing hands.

Don’t quit – Celebrate!

When we go through hardships in marriage, we may be tempted to give up and quit. The last thing we may want to do is celebrate. Yet, scripture reminds us that we all go through seasons in our lives.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there “is a time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.”

Reflecting upon our two decades of marriage, we can see this truth weaved throughout our own marital hardships.

Plenty of times we have cried and grieved. And plenty of times we have laughed and danced from the triumph of overcoming those same hardships.

How is it that we can look back and celebrate our hardships? Because we see the goodness of God in each of them. Because through each hardship, we are strengthened, and God is glorified by the power of our testimony.

Through our hardships we have learned the freeing power of confession and forgiveness. We have learned the humbling power of submission to God and obedience. We have been a witness to God’s faithfulness to grow us to be more like Him. We have felt His sovereignty over our temporal circumstances.

If your marriage feels like it is in a pit of sinking sand, take time to reflect upon the goodness of God in your prior marriage struggles. Look for the ways in which the hardships grew you closer to Him and to your spouse. Celebrate them!

Write them in a journal or on post-it notes as a reminder. And encourage, support & celebrate the marriages of others. God’s goodness is also displayed when we celebrate others, despite our own circumstances.

Our marriages are a way we get to share the Gospel with others in the world. Let His glory be on display! 

Just Love Her

“Just Love Her”

Yes, those 3 words can be hard! While sleeping one night, God spoke to me and all He said was “Just Love Her.” (Eph 5:25 NLT- For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her.)  That’s all I heard from Him. As I woke up in bed after this, I was confused and perplexed. What did “just love her” actually mean and why would God tell me this? Let’s see, I love my wife every day and do pretty much all I can to help her with whatever she needs, so why would God tell me this so clearly? As if He was speaking to little old me in neon lighting? You see, I like to think that my wife is my partner in everything and that what happens to her also happens to me. When she is down, hurt, suffering, lonely, weak, etc., I am the one who is there for her. It comes almost naturally to me. She depends on me to be there for her and I likewise, depend on her to be there for me. My wife lives with chronic pain from several spinal surgeries. Her bones and soft tissue are degrading faster than most people her age. I knew this would be something that would be in our reality earlier than most marriages and I promised both her and God that I was up for the task. As such, I believe this is why I was able to retire young and her, as well. Yet, I do find myself sometimes stuck in the monotony of it all, every so often. So, truthfully, I can say to myself that I am doing all that I can to help her, but am I really from my heart doing these things? Galatians 6:9 says “So let us not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up”  When God told me to “just love her”, I asked God again to help me understand what that meant. Sometimes, it takes more than a neon sign to make me understand! God then revealed to me that sometimes its not just about helping your spouse daily or making sure all is going well. Sometimes, you better expect a trial to happen and be ready to fight it! Honestly, as much as I dislike trials in our marriage, I also understand that this is when our marriage is strengthened the most. Even more, this is when I am personally strengthened the most!

Right around the time that God spoke these words to me, my wife started having a physical trial. Her right eye was injured and was not recovering. After 7 long months, we both finally surrendered that it may never be healed and maybe this would be her “thorn in the flesh” as an ambassador for Christ. My, how this revelation changed each of our perspectives. However, those 7 months of getting to this revelation were relentlessly hard, on each of us. For her, it was a battle with trusting God with her healing and understanding that God wasn’t mad at her. That she hadn’t let Him down in some way. For me, it was releasing control to God to care for my wife, whom I strive to fix everything for. It was a heavy dose of humility for me. See, God wants us both to rely on Him and He knows exactly how to get that across to each of us, individually. As far as I am concerned, God doesn’t waste our trials on just one of us; they are for both my wife and myself.

So, what does “just love her” mean? It means allowing my wife to say whatever she wants to me, and to listen with understanding and compassion. If I am considerate toward Janie, she will likewise be considerate toward me. It also means that no matter how frustrated I get with her physical ailments, I must love her as Christ loved the Church. Paul says it clear in Eph 5:25, that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. We must all knock down our barriers to love and pull up our sleeves, not to fight Christ, but to embrace LOVE for our spouse. So, husbands, just love your wives and wives just love your husbands. Let today be the day you let down your walls and you have an honest conversation with one another and choose together to pursue Christ in marriage.  

Husbands, Love your wife!

God’s word says we are to love our wives, as our own bodies. What a high calling He gives us! Yet, if I’m honest, loving her seems to be the easy part. I can listen to her & hopefully fulfill her needs. Yet, when things get tough, I start to question myself. Don’t let the enemy fill you with thoughts of inadequacy. Listen to your wife! Janie reminds me daily that she sees God in me. Although, I may be reluctant to believe her at times, no one knows me like she does. And when I’m feeling less than, I’m thankful to have her to remind me that I am leading our family well. That they see Jesus in me. That God is the anchor in each of our lives. So, go live your life! Pursue Christ & see what happens. You will be sustained & fulfilled.

Being Thankful…

Today, I am thankful for my spouse loving me, through the good times and the bad times. I am most thankful that we both love the Lord. I am thankful for the trials and the blessings that have been bestowed upon us, because through each trial, our marital bond is strengthened.

Take time today to be still & thank the Lord for your marriage & your spouse!

Accountability in Marriage – Podcast Episode 8

Can your spouse be your accountability partner? What does accountability outside of marriage look like? Please join us for a discussion about accountability and how it can strengthen your your relationship with your spouse and others.

Bible verses listed in order throughout the podcast:

Proverbs 27:6

Hebrews 3:13

Matthew 26:41

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Proverbs 16:18

Galatians 5:1

Genesis 2:18

2 Corinthians 6:14-15

Ephesians 5:11

1 Corinthians 7:4

EXTRA: Proverbs 27:17 Galatians 6:1-3

You can find our podcasts on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, and Google Podcasts every week.

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